


Adventures In The Con Trade

by MilToro



Category: Xena: Warrior Princess
Genre: F/F, Skits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-07-12
Updated: 2009-07-12
Packaged: 2017-10-02 10:41:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MilToro/pseuds/MilToro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Xena and Gabrielle go to a Xena convention in San Francisco.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Adventures In The Con Trade

**Author's Note:**

> The characters you recognise, Xena and Gabrielle et al, belong to MCA/Universal and Renassiance Pictures. Other sundry characters belong to me. I just got back from the SF con and I wondered what would happen if Xena and Gabrielle were there.

Xena and Gabrielle are standing in line to get into Creation's Xena Convention in San Francisco.

XENA: So here we are, Gabrielle. San Francisco. Home of the Amazon Descendants .

GABRIELLE [agitated]: Do you see her yet?

XENA: Who?

GABRIELLE: Your ex.

XENA: I told you, Gabrielle, you have nothing to worry about. I'm fine with her.

GABRIELLE: Uh-huh. Sure, you are. But what about her?

XENA [shrugs]: I don't know. Let's just go in and see Alti and Aphrodite. I'm sure they'll be glad to see us.

GABRIELLE: I thought you killed Alti.

XENA: Yeah, but she's not one to hold a grudge.

GABRIELLE [pointing]: There she is!

Xena waves CeeCee over.

GABRIELLE: Don't wave her over!

XENA: Don't worry Gabrielle, it'll be fine. I've put our past behind us.

GABRIELLE [skeptical]: Are you sure?

XENA: Of course I'm sure. Trust me, it'll be fine.

GABRIELLE [jealously]: Well, she just better keep her hands off you.

CeeCee strides over with another woman.

XENA: Hi CeeCee! This is Gabrielle. So who's your new "friend"?

CEECEE: Xena, Gabrielle, this is JeeJee. JeeJee, Gabrielle, Xena.

Xena gives both women the warrior handshake. Gabrielle politely shakes CeeCee's and JeeJee's hand.

Joxer strides up to the four women.

JOXER: Xena! Gabrielle!

XENA: Hey Joxer. Joxer, CeeCee, JeeJee. Gabrielle you know, of course.

Joxer waves.

JOXER [whispers in Xena's ear]: Can I talk to you for a second. [He jerks his head]

XENA: What about?

JOXER [grits his teeth]: I just need to talk to you for a second.

XENA: Okay.

They walk off to the side.

XENA: What?

JOXER [shuffles his feet and looks at the ground]: Um, do you, er.... can you....

XENA [annoyed]: Joxer! Just spit it out!

JOXER: Do you have an extra ticket?

XENA: An extra ticket? No. I only have one for me and one for Gabrielle.

JOXER: Aw, come on, Xena, I know you have pull here. Can't you let them sneak me in?

XENA: Are you kidding? Creation? Let you in for free? A snowball in Tartarus has got a better chance.

JOXER: But I'm supposed to be a guest!

XENA: That's your problem. Sorry.

JOXER: Come on, Xena. Everybody hates me here. No one will give me an extra ticket. They all act like Amazons or somethin'.

XENA: Well, if you didn't act like such an idiot.... and why were you in the Amazon village that time anyway?

JOXER: Hey, that wasn't my fault. Rob snuck me in there. I told him I'd be out of place but he wanted me to save Gabrielle for the Gabrielle/Joxer Romantic Society.

XENA [rolls her eyes]: Like you even had a chance. You saw how the Amazons parted the way for me.

JOXER: Aw, come on, Xena. Can't we just let by-gones be by-gones?

XENA: Nope. Sorry.

Xena walks away. Joxer walks forlornly back to the front door, hoping to bum an extra ticket off the Amazon Descendents (tm) convention go-ers. Meanwhile, CeeCee and JeeJee are making polite conversation with Gabrielle, who's straining herself with the effort.

XENA: Come on, Gabrielle.

CEECEE: Will we see you and Gabrielle later, Xena?

XENA: Yeah, I heard there's a BBQ later.

CEECEE [smiles]: See you later then. [Her hand brushes Xena's back] Nice meeting you, Gabrielle.

JEEJEE: Nice meeting you, Xena, Gabrielle.

GABRIELLE: Heh.

CeeCee and JeeJee walk away.

GABRIELLE: I thought you said CeeCee was married to DeeDee?

XENA: She is, as far as I know.

GABRIELLE: So who was that?

XENA [shrugs]: I dunno.

GABRIELLE: Xena, we're not going to that BBQ with them, are we?

XENA: Sure, why not?

GABRIELLE: Do I get to barbeque her head?

XENA [cups Gabrielle's face]: Gabrielle, sweetie, you're over-reacting. That was a long time ago.

GABRIELLE: Uh-huh. Xena, I saw her stroke your back.

XENA: She didn't mean anything by it. Come on, let's just go in and have a good time. [Xena puts her arm around Gabrielle and they enter the Masonic Temple together].

Xena and Gabrielle are in the auditorium. Alti comes onstage sans deerskin and disguised in 20th century garb.

XENA [mumbles under her breath]: Jeez! I didn't know what I was missing!

GABRIELLE: What?

XENA [beaming]: She looks great considering that I killed her, doesn't she?

GABRIELLE: Yeah, Xena. Sure. Whatever.

Gabrielle scans the crowd for CeeCee and JeeJee, keeping a wary and jealous eye on their activities. She watches as CeeCee gets up from her seat and heads toward the exit of the auditorium. Then she spies Ephiny sitting in the front row, her eyes peeled on Alti's skirt.

GABRIELLE: A-ha! [to Xena] I'll be right back.

Gabrielle gets Ephiny's attention and drags her out of the auditorium.

GABRIELLE: Ephiny, we have a job to do.

EPHINY: Sure, Gabrielle.

Gabrielle and Ephiny catch up with CeeCee in the lobby of the Masonic Temple. They surround the woman, Ephiny on the left and Gabrielle on the right.

GABRIELLE: Hey CeeCee. I heard you used to be Xena's, um.... apprentice.

CEECEE: Yes, that's true.

GABRIELLE: Is that so?

CEECEE [stunned]: Yeeeesssss.

GABRIELLE: Hey, Eph, do you think that she knows that Xena actually killed Alti?

EPHINY: No, I don't think she does.

CEECEE: She did? How did she....?

GABRIELLE: She broke your arm too, didn't she Eph?

CeeCee's eyes go wide.

EPHINY: Yep! Right here [points to her elbow], the Warrior Princess was mighty pissed that day. And we're friends too. Ouch! That hurt like a mother-effer.

GABRIELLE [laughs]: I'm sure it did, but not as bad as when she dragged me from a horse.

CeeCee, frightened, jerks her head from one woman to the other, flabbergasted by what she is hearing.

EPHINY [grins]: I think you got me on that one, Gabrielle.

GABRIELLE: She slaughtered like 20 Amazons all by herself one time too, didn't she?

EPHINY: More like 50! Yep! She sure did.

GABRIELLE: You know, Ephiny, I'd hate to be the one who gets Xena pissed at that BBQ.

EPHINY: Whooo, I sure wouldn't want to be the one to do that! Uh-uh, not me.

GABRIELLE: Me neither.

CeeCee runs away from the two women and into the auditorium. Moments later she races back out with JeeJee in tow and they fly out of the Masonic Temple at breakneck speed.

Ephiny and Gabrielle go back into the auditorium just in time to hear the emcee announce that due to unforseen circumstances, Joxer will not be able to make his scheduled appearance. A loud applause thunders throughout the auditorium as the crowd of Amazon Descendants leap to their feet and celebrate.

Later at the BBQ....

XENA: Hey, I wonder what happened to CeeCee and JeeJee? They said they were coming.

GABRIELLE: I don't know. I guess survival's more important.

XENA [raises her eyebrow]: Gab-ri-elllle....

GABRIELLE: What?

XENA: You know what. How many times do I have to tell you?

GABRIELLE [innocently]: All I did was tell the truth.

XENA: Gabrielle, you really should learn to control that jealous monster of yours.

GABRIELLE [smirks]: Yeah, I should, should I?

XENA: Next time, be nice.


End file.
